Lonely in a crowd?

I find that I’m only lonely when I’m around other people, never when I’m by myself. Does that sound a little… I dunno… Emo? Like I’m some sad little high school boy hiding from the world in my room? Honest, Mom, the eyeliner was just for a part in a show…

But seriously, I’m usually perfectly happy with the world and my place in it when I’m by myself. I can work, read, listen to music, write… sometimes all at the same time… and feel productive and content. When I’m around other people, however, I tend to notice the flaws in my relations with them. I used to place all the blame for those flaws on myself. I wasn’t sensitive enough, I wasn’t tough enough, I wasn’t smart, or good-looking, or witty enough. Lately I realize that the blame isn’t mine, at least not all of it. A lot of why I feel disconnected when I’m around others, why I can’t connect with them and feel content in their presence, is that they are not sensitive, tough, smart, good-looking, or witty enough. Well, maybe not good-looking. I don’t care about good-looking. And toughness doesn’t impress me unless it’s real, which it rarely is.

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